Original Comedy | The Humorist

How To Do Small Talk Right

If you're a human being, you no doubt dread the tedium of maintaining a conversation with another human being.

I'm the Guy Who Cannot Watch Touchdowns

Yup, that’s me. I’m the asshole standing behind the end zone looking away from a touchdown catch. How did I find myself in such a...

The Most Obscure Seinfeld Motifs, Facts and Absurdities

Festivus, the Soup Nazi, and the Contest are among the dozens of canonized storylines.

Newman's Impossible Mail Route

Seinfeld fans universally agree that Newman is one of the show’s most memorable and hilarious characters. People who aren’t Seinfeld fans...

7 Rules of Sports Radio

Sports radio is a form of entertainment featuring a cadre of loudmouth dickheads yelling about sports and reading shitty ads. But there’s...

Traffic Ticket Stories

There was a dark period in my life where every legally ambiguous traffic scenario resulted in second degree murder charges

What To Say When You Didn’t Hear Someone

The smorgasbord of phrases prompting clarification for words your brain steadfastly refuses to process can sow indecision

5 Best Excuses To Get Out Of Anything

Don’t you wish you had a rock solid excuse to neutralize someone who’s trying to rope you into some stupid activity?

5 Essential Qualities of Russian Literature*

The blunt cynicism that pervades Russian literature makes for an intense reading experience...

The 5 Worst Writers of All Time

These writers' knack for disgracing the art of literature is extraordinary.

My (Unpublished) Interview

After submitting my answers to a website that publishes interviews with entrepreneurs, I never heard back from them.

The Art of Eye Contact

Whether you're interviewing for a job, courting a mate, or closing a sale, strong eye contact is a must.